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Transitional Stress (part 1)

Posted: admin on Jul 15 | Russian Brides, Russian Dating

My name is Inna Serebryakova. I am a Russian woman who came here to the USA at age 37 with my 13 y.o. daughter in August 1998 and married to an American man from Oregon. I used to operate a Russian bride matchmaking agency in Russia and in the USA (in 1999), and men often asked me how Russian women will adapt to life in the United States or Canada. I personally know the stress of coming here in the same situation as these women, and of course every day I counseled many Russian women who were married through Russian women dating agencies and live in the USA and other western countries. There is no standard Russian woman but still we can make some generalizations. I will use the USA for my examples as the majority of my clients were US citizens. But the same suggestions apply for almost all western countries.

Russian women coming to America or any western culture from Russia inevitably has a great deal of stress associated with the move. We talk as if all these stresses are just one, and call it transition stress. Really there are several components to it, and it affects some women much more than others. Because of this we try to prepare women to go through these difficult changes more easily by educating them about Western culture and the realities of life here in the USA.

1. Culture Shock:
The woman knows NOTHING about America, except fantasies, movies, and dreams. This means that she will have a problem when confronted by the “real” America that she will find. I remember when I came here. The first “disappointment” of America was that it is a large country with very few “real cities”, very different from Western Europe. At first Russian women see only what is different from theirr expectations, and only later will she begin to see what an American sees. Her change in perception is not quick, it takes time and you must be patient with your new Russian bride. But it does come. In the mean time you are everything for her, her eyes and ears, language interpreter and cultural interpreter.

There will be a different “real” America for each woman as the men they are marrying are of many types. Some are rich, some poor, and of many different personalities. But no matter which man, or what his economic status, America will be a shock for the Russian brides. The woman will find herself in a world where nothing works the same as it did at home. Stores don’t work the same, food is not purchased in the same way, and the TV is incomprehensible. The American women she sees don’t dress up or wear much makeup, instead they go out in jeans. Even the neighborhoods themselves seem barren with no one on the streets. In Russia there are always people walking everywhere, but your new bride will not yet understand that Americans outside of the largest cities, drive everywhere. Which brings us to the another huge stress problem.

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