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Customs and Courtship in Russia (Part 3)

Posted: admin on Jul 15 | Russian Brides, Russian Dating

In my correspondence with Russian women, the two central reasons always given for wanting to marry an American man were, to escape the current economic hardships of Russia and disenchantment with Russian men. Without question, the first reason made perfect sense, causing no consternation on my part. For what is wrong with someone wanting to better there life in a country offering more opportunities for material growth. For centuries, immigrants have come to America seeking a better life and have become gainfully immersed in the American business fabric.

Regarding the second reason, it is important to understand the underlying reasons why Russian women are typically disenchanted with Russian men and how these attitudes might transfer over to American men. As discussed in Women’s work ethic topic, Russian women have become entrenched in the Russian work force. Also, based on seven decades of dictatorship, the majority of Russian men lost the opportunity to develop their personal initiative. Lacking any sense of real worth in their work, men lost their motivation, self-esteem, sense of responsibility and became lazy. Women on the other hand, continued to rule their households and never suffered a sense of helplessness. With these two elements in place, Russian women have become increasingly dominant over their male counterparts, during the past 30 to 40 years. Russian women have assumed matriarchal ways and continue an aggressive super-woman tradition through sheer force of habit.

This male/female power struggle has created problems, because within her heart the Russian women wants a traditional household - where the man is the center post of the family and she is the feminine woman beside him. The Russian woman does not want to be her husband’s equal, and is tired of losing her femininity assuming a double burden of work and home. Rather, she wants him to be more intellectual, wiser, stronger and the primary wage earner. But therein lies the problem, for the husband must take control from his aggressive wife. If he cannot effectively assert his dominance, she views him as weak, loses respect and becomes disenchanted with her husband. The Russian woman’s hope is that perestroika will renew the Russian man’s dominance so that she may become less aggressive and regain her womanliness.

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